The Spider and the Cobwebs

I wanted to write this blog before and I tried but was to proud to post it with spelling errors, so in the process of trying to, being proud about a blog on pride I guess, I lost it all. hmmmm ironic maybe not.

I'm starting to believe Pride is the worst and hardest to grasp of all my sins and many sins flow from this one great one. Hate, lust, greed, lame self-pity, all stem from pride for ourselves and not our maker. But the two I want to talk about are self-pity and hate.

C.S Lewis says this about self pity.The passion of pity, the pity we merely suffer, the ache that draws men to concede and to flatter when they should speak truth, the pity that has cheated many a woman out of her virginity and many a statesman out of his honesty-that will die. It was used as a weapon by many, by bad men against good ones: that weapon will be broken.

I never really thought about pity, but I think unhealthy self pity is never God ordained and it is a breeding ground for a life of pain and even hate. And I know at time's its seems a beautiful comfort, but I know its not. whatever weak unnatural feeling of joy it gives will never really satisfy or last. The thought of I'll hurt them back to make me feel a little less pain is empty in the end. It was hard to think that love and forgiveness could really ever bring joy back into your life they always seemed like the weak path to me. One the world will never understand, like your a weak child if you decide to choose them. But I think they are the weak path, they are a very different path then I've normally ever taken they seem alien to my personality and do make me feel weak, and if I try love and forgiveness on my own or mixed with piousness and pity they will reveal only a lame shadow of love that can hurt more then heal. But if helped through the weakness by someone who is all love and understands holy pity I think something great can be attained.

If pride and self pity are a weapon, what weapon will destroy it? Mr. Lewis says.It’s a weapon on the other side. It leaps quicker then light from the highest place to the lowest to bring healing and joy, whatever the cost to its self. It changes darkness to light and evil to good. And it will never at the cunning tears of hell, impose on good the tyranny of evil. Every disease that submits to a cure will be healed....Pride and pity to me are a disease.

Ralph Waldo Emerson says.
unless we try something other then what we have already mastered, we will never grow.
I think I'm pretty awesome when it comes to self pity and selfish pride... but for some reason a Christlike love is a new concept, and I thought I knew all about him and love for years. I've discovered I really know nothing, except how sweet I thought I was.

The Sadhu Sundar Sing says, sin in our lives is like a spider that constantly lays cobwebs all over our house and in an attempt not to look messy we constantly clean out the cobwebs but leave the spider, the source of the sin. That statement really hits home I try and better my life in Christ by fixing things others might see but the selfish heart of mine hidden behind the skin and bone for no one to see, that needs the attention. Christ is faithful to help me. And It seems I need to daily tell myself this.

I wanted to write on hate but not today I want to think it over some more.

There's Pain in the offering so Blessed be His name

For the last month or so God has place me in something that I hope I can be of a blessing to Him,because i'm still a scared and selfish human,hurt and leaning on my own understanding and I tell myself often I just don't, I don't get it.
I believe He requires me to have the attitude of Christ,and in this situation to not give up again, for those of you who have walked this road. you know how I am feeling. it's not easy to say no problem, love even though it's not returned. And believe me if you even have a little pride it is terrifying. Christ only through perfection could do something as great as he did. he was God all powerful, all knowing, all creator. and in order to love us offered us his heart and life. Something he knew many would not take and many turn down over and over again, I'll do this life my way we say. HE knew what laid ahead for Himself, a future of pain and heartache of waiting on what we so demand for ourselves, free will, it is ours and we can't and refuse to let go, even if knowing giving our lives to Him will bring us that freedom and completion we can only find in Him, we run and refuse. Christ knowing all this, all the hurt before Him and this is the amazing part "He did not demand...His rights...He..humbled Himself."philippians 2:6-8 He was God and he made himself nothing.to give us a gift so great so selfless, we won't even fully understand on this earth. How hard it must be to see Us Christians hold onto the earth with one hand and praise Him with the other, when he knows perfection and glory are waiting for us in a life with Him, if we would just give up THIS, a seemingly fun life, that if we embrace instead will only bring hell.
His utimate humility was a kind we can't understand or comprehend. Why? why would anyone give up whats there's to help another person get ahead or feel loved when the givers heart is breaking and in agony. It blows our minds. And i believe this is why God calls us for this. more then our word's its our lives and God's love working in them that draws people to the Father.
also being vunerable to God will bring us to places that make us even more dependant on Him.
Does the humaness of me want this? absolutly not I'm terrified, holding your heart in your hand and letting it constantly be treated it as worthless is something I could never do, except for the fact that I know God cares for that heart more then any human could and If I give my life and heart to him, It's His, to protect, comfort,bless,teach and train to create into what He wants done with it. So even though there is pain in this offering Blessed be His name. There is a perfect comfort in all pain, Christ Jesus who does know how we feel. cause of how we treat Him.