There's Pain in the offering so Blessed be His name

For the last month or so God has place me in something that I hope I can be of a blessing to Him,because i'm still a scared and selfish human,hurt and leaning on my own understanding and I tell myself often I just don't, I don't get it.
I believe He requires me to have the attitude of Christ,and in this situation to not give up again, for those of you who have walked this road. you know how I am feeling. it's not easy to say no problem, love even though it's not returned. And believe me if you even have a little pride it is terrifying. Christ only through perfection could do something as great as he did. he was God all powerful, all knowing, all creator. and in order to love us offered us his heart and life. Something he knew many would not take and many turn down over and over again, I'll do this life my way we say. HE knew what laid ahead for Himself, a future of pain and heartache of waiting on what we so demand for ourselves, free will, it is ours and we can't and refuse to let go, even if knowing giving our lives to Him will bring us that freedom and completion we can only find in Him, we run and refuse. Christ knowing all this, all the hurt before Him and this is the amazing part "He did not demand...His rights...He..humbled Himself."philippians 2:6-8 He was God and he made himself nothing.to give us a gift so great so selfless, we won't even fully understand on this earth. How hard it must be to see Us Christians hold onto the earth with one hand and praise Him with the other, when he knows perfection and glory are waiting for us in a life with Him, if we would just give up THIS, a seemingly fun life, that if we embrace instead will only bring hell.
His utimate humility was a kind we can't understand or comprehend. Why? why would anyone give up whats there's to help another person get ahead or feel loved when the givers heart is breaking and in agony. It blows our minds. And i believe this is why God calls us for this. more then our word's its our lives and God's love working in them that draws people to the Father.
also being vunerable to God will bring us to places that make us even more dependant on Him.
Does the humaness of me want this? absolutly not I'm terrified, holding your heart in your hand and letting it constantly be treated it as worthless is something I could never do, except for the fact that I know God cares for that heart more then any human could and If I give my life and heart to him, It's His, to protect, comfort,bless,teach and train to create into what He wants done with it. So even though there is pain in this offering Blessed be His name. There is a perfect comfort in all pain, Christ Jesus who does know how we feel. cause of how we treat Him.